[[Sikk]]

Idk if my English teacher will give me a grade for it because it was due Friday and I was supposed to hand it in yesterday for a late grade but I didn't go to school. Oh well. Here goes.

It was once said that the pen is mightier than the sword. Whether or not this is true, words have power, and with great power comes great responsibility. Many of the rappers today have been careless with their words and how they affect people. Because of this, the United States Congress is discussing whether or not they should ban hip hop music. They suspect that the negative themes that rappers are portraying are influencing the fans to break the law. Personally, I think that is wrong. I would like to discuss this issue and take you into an exploration of music, politics, and life itself.

First of all, hip hop wasn't intended to cause trouble for anyone. It was created to give people living in the ghetto an opportunity to have a good time. Instead of killing each other, enemies often battled each other with words on the mic or moves on the dance floor. They respected each other and kept them alive, looking forward to a chance to defeat them. Though it wasn't 100% effective, the results were noticeable. Children who battled each other learned to settle their differences without violence. If hip hop had the power to make such a positive impact on the community, why would the government want to take that away? No artist has ever said "Kill everyone you see" and no fan has ever said "Hey, that's a good idea". People should be held accountable for their own actions. If a crime is committed, the blame should be placed upon the person committing the crime, and no one else.

Taking rap off the radio will not stop anyone from dying. People have been killing and stealing for centuries without anyone telling them to do it. Consider this: people are willing to break the law to survive. Look at all the people who are rich and live in wealthy neighborhoods. They never kill or steal from anyone, because they don't have to. Now think about people living in poverty who can barely afford rent in a beat up apartment. If they steal something, it's not because they like NWA, it's because they can't afford to buy what they're stealing. Living without musical influence will not prevent those people from committing crimes. Maybe if they could afford the basic necessities they need to survive then they wouldn't resort to stealing. Instead of trying to take away the things that make them happy, perhaps the government should provide them with stable living conditions.

Here's another interesting point. Marijuana is illegal, yet thousands of people in the US are arrested every year for smoking it. I guarantee that the only thing this law will do is send more people to jail. Taking rap off the radio is one thing, but eliminating hip hop itself is an impossible task. Hip hop is raw, it's real. It's reality, not the kind that you see on TV. There was a time when hip hop wasn't on TV or on the radio. There was a time when the only way you knew about it was if you were involved in it. Today there are people who act like they like hip hop, but there are still people who truly love hip hop. If this law is passed, we will see who those people are.

In summation, banning hip hop will not solve anything. There are more important issues that we need to take care of. Issues that some rappers actually talk about in their songs. Just because there are rappers who don't have anything good to say doesn't mean there can't be good rappers. There are hundreds of rappers in the world, if you can't find any good ones then you're not looking. Hip hop has brought people together for over a decade and should not be represented or demeaned by a few greed driven groups or individuals who just want to get paid. Just remember that the jams on MTV only last for a week, but hip hop is eternal.

[BbOyJeOpArDy]

1) when your topic says "hip-hop wasnt INTENDED to kill anyone......" youre basically saying that it DOES

that's like saying "tobacco wasnt INTENDED to kill anyone, so that makes it okay b/c it comes down to the intentions and not what really happens"

2) while people may have been stealing/killing for centuries, it's most likely that because of the negative culture that mainstream hip-hop portrays, it DID increase murders/robberies. think about it: let's say in the past, one person stole once a year. after hip-hop, 100 people stole 10000 times a year. notice how even though it happened prior to hip-hop, it's possible that hip-hop INCREASED the rate of crime. just because a problem was already present in society does not mean that it cant be contributed to.

compare your argument to:
"back in the 1800s, people kept dying. well, now that we have guns and people are getting shot, it's perfectly fine because people were dying anyway."

3) bad bad bad argument. you should never say "since so many people do this bad thing, they should make it legal so nobody goes to jail!" you never want to say that because taht will end up harming society; certain actions were labelled as "crimes" for a reason, and t hat's to help society. if your only goal is to keep people out of jail NOT by chnaging their actions, but instead by legalizing what is wrong, then that HARMS society.


lol. but dont worry about those things, your teacher wont bring that up and mark you down just b/c there are opposing points to your arguments.
HOWEVER, i did notice some grammar errors here and there. one thing that you should remember is that IN A FORMAL ESSAY, YOU SHOULD NOT USE CONTRACTIONS.

also
"Personally, I think that is wrong. I would like to discuss this issue and take you into an exploration of music, politics, and life itself."

i think it'd be best if you kept out your first person point of view except for the very first sentence and parts of the concluding paragraph. instead of saying "personally, i think that this is wrong..."
say something like "however, this is clearly not true...."
and for the second part, merge it with the first
"however, thsi is clearly not true, as evidenced through exploration of music, politics, and life itself"

BUT, one more thing
your 3 points in the thesis were "music, politics, life"
but your body paragraphs dont pertain to those 3 points

try to stray away from opinions. in your 3rd body paragraph, you began with "here's an interesting point"
but that's your opinion, and it sounds very informal. instead, open the paragraph with a generalization of the subject of that paragraph
ie
"it is notable that the abolition of hip-hop will NOT contribute society in any way. for example, marijuana......" blah blha blah
but after reading thru it, i dont think your marijuana example was really relevant to the argument in the 3rd body paragraph

[NiSenNen]

Don't throw cliche phrases you saw or heard from somewhere. Use your own words. ex "Pen is mightier than the sword" "Great power comes great responsibility". Those mean nothing if you don't say it yourself. Using them in your thesis paragraph is even worse.

[Vice President]

lol it's like an english class now. work on conciseness. decrease fluff. there's a lot of flowery shit in there that can be excised. avoid saying things' like "here's an interesting point" or "consider this" because it actually makes you sound like a newb.

[BbOyJeOpArDy]

Originally Posted by Vice President

work on conciseness.

crucial for sat

[TASHi]

Avoid using "there" in a sentence; it creates passive voice::

"There are more important issues that we need to take care of. Issues that some rappers actually talk about in their songs."

say:: "We need to take care of more important issues."

that's just an example though, but speaking in active voice is more effective in an essay since it gives writer's voice.


etc etc etc, i could edit this more but jeopardy did most of it.

[[Sikk]]

Damn guys! All the people in my class are like bobo, my teacher probably thinks this shit is like college material compared to everyone else. I just typed it up as fast as I could because I was already late for school. It's just English class...thanks for all those tips though, noted. Yall are bitches though, you guys hurt my feelings .