[LabeLz]

i have come to realize i have trouble making friends with people who don't do drugs, are trouble makers, are in a gang, don't seem to give a fck about anything, think their tough shit, think the music i listen to is whack, and always tell stories about how cool they are.

i mean i do talk to people who don't do that stuff, but they're kinda afraid of me. i look kinda intimidating cause i used to be in a gang and i have scars from when i cut off my tattoos. plus i have a hulk temper. i'm not that big of a guy(5'4"). the only people i really get a long with are the emos and gay people, but they kinda weird me out sometimes.

maybe i'm an outsider.

[Avu]

Originally Posted by maoc389 not really a problem, more like a situation. i got this completely awesome girl. we're both not clingy to eachother but know that we'd be with eachother in a heartbeat if we needed it, we can go days without texting/calling without being worried about eachother, and theres just this connection that enables us to live our lives normally like we'd do without eachother. Its the best feeling in the world when you call a girl for the first time in two-three days and shes not mad at all, but happy to hear your voice. If anything, i'm more clingy than she is. I do plenty of cutesy things with her, and have fun in general. The only issue is, while i'm not actually in love, i'm infatuated with her and we're both leaving for college in two months. These two months are gonna be amazing and awesome, and i know it, but i'm dreading that i'll become clingy and depressive when she leaves, because its happened before. We both dont' want long distance relationships because they never work, and we're not emotionally attached enough to have one. Whilst being loyal to eachother, its not like we're in such a deep loving relationship that its impossible to break off. So theres the conflict. how exactly DO i go about maintaining the level of intimacy while dreading the whole "Getting closer" part, and hopefully not actually falling in love with this girl.

That girl reminds me of myself. We want to portray ourselves as stable individuals that wouldn't mind just being friends with benefits, but what we really, honestly want is a relationship and someone that's there for us. We aren't clingy because we don't want to get too mentally involved due to the problems and petty drama that come with relationships. We run away from commitment because of past experiences that have fucked with our heads.

Girls like us are smart because we're open to new people and experiences and usually hold no bars when it comes to getting close to people- but we like a revolving door of people since being with one person becomes too stagnant. Not even this, we get close and then stop ourselves from being too clingy so we won't get judged and given shit for showing affection. We want new things and we don't want to becoming too involved being a reason for you to pull out.

If you really want to be in a relationship with her; ask her what she really truly wants out of your current situation and her expectations. Girls like ourselves are realists and usually just think with our heads. We really don't wear our hearts on our sleeves because we're afraid of you not appreciating it or not being enough.

So, now that I've gotten past the psychology of girls like her (lol), don't get too involved. If you don't expect it to last too long, don't give her false expectations and tell her exactly what you expect of her this summer. She can probably handle the brutal honesty when you say that you'll have to go to college and that this summer may be the last time you guys really hang out for a while.

Be realistic and don't get too involved, because you'll eventually want to pull out because of college related reasons. Be blunt and to the point.

G'luck.

[crowd_pleaser]

Originally Posted by LabeLz i have come to realize i have trouble making friends with people who don't do drugs, are trouble makers, are in a gang, don't seem to give a fck about anything, think their tough shit, think the music i listen to is whack, and always tell stories about how cool they are. i mean i do talk to people who don't do that stuff, but they're kinda afraid of me. i look kinda intimidating cause i used to be in a gang and i have scars from when i cut off my tattoos. plus i have a hulk temper. i'm not that big of a guy(5'4"). the only people i really get a long with are the emos and gay people, but they kinda weird me out sometimes. maybe i'm an outsider.

this is one of those situations where it's going to take some harsh reality. so this will be mean.

if you constantly hang around people who do drugs, cause trouble, bang, don't care about anything, wannabe toughies, etc. etc. then obviously, you're going to become accustomed to hanging around those kinds of people. you're going to develop social skills to adapt to being in environments with those people. but now you step out of the drug users/bangers/toughies circle, and you don't know what to do.

young people like us should all know that with a different set of people, you have a different set of normalities. for example: around a crowd of nerds; you could probably just mention "anime" and end up deeply immersed in a 2 hour conversation. but if you mention how awesome you think that one anime Vampire King is to a bunch of bangers, nobody is going to give a shit.

its adaptation.

you're so accustomed to your social norms of being around these people that you don't understand the social norms of other groups. and even worse, when you constantly hang around those people that you mentioned, you only reenforce that behavior!

if you want to learn how to mingle with nerds, then stop hanging around with bangers, because you're gna bring that banger mentality to a bunch of nerds and they'll just be intimidated.

or.

learn to adapt. start hanging around people who AREN'T in those groups you mentioned, but manage to get along with. (you said you do okay with emos and gays) so give emos and gays a try. more often than not, even though most of the emo kids i know have some "problems," they also usually have really interesting things to say. interesting perspectives at looking at things. it's interesting because its DIFFERENT. Gay people aren't terribly different than anyone else either. they're just people. people who HAPPEN to have a sexuality that differs from most.

in terms of a hulk temper: VENT. you needa learn to VENT. and as dancers, there is really no better venting tool than our dancing. so quit it with the short fuse because it's never going to help you. sometiems, dancing doesn't do the trick for me, so work out. whatever anger i might have that dancing doesn't fix working out does.


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side note: maoc389 - from the girls that i've spoken to about things similar to this, Avu pretty much hit the nail on the head with this one. listen to her.

[Transcendent]

Originally Posted by LabeLz i have come to realize i have trouble making friends with people who don't do drugs, are trouble makers, are in a gang, don't seem to give a fck about anything, think their tough shit, think the music i listen to is whack, and always tell stories about how cool they are. i mean i do talk to people who don't do that stuff, but they're kinda afraid of me. i look kinda intimidating cause i used to be in a gang and i have scars from when i cut off my tattoos. plus i have a hulk temper. i'm not that big of a guy(5'4"). the only people i really get a long with are the emos and gay people, but they kinda weird me out sometimes. maybe i'm an outsider.

I'll be flat out with you, cuz that's the only way I can help you.

First off, your temper is one of the biggest things that'll stop you from making friends. I have a good friend who almost beat the shit outta me for picking up one of his shoes and not putting it down quick enough. I got out of the way and instead he destroyed his ironing board with his fists. I've learned how to behave around him so that we don't have any problems but that deters a lot of people. Almost detered me, but he kicks it with all my friends so I had to learn to get along with him. We're good friends now, but I almost never spoke to him again. If you get mad really easily, a lot of people won't put up with that shit.

That's probably the biggest thing.

Also, if you look like a gangbanger and dress like it, that scares people. Plus you act like one if you roll with those fools and have their temper. You basically are one, besides the fact that you aren't actually in a gang right now.

You need to fix that shit, man. Then you can start making friends more easily.

[giovannile07]

It shall be revived again! :]

[FlowWolf]

Sometimes I don't like my life. I don't have too many friends, but I am a social person and genuine to the friends I keep. However, there are times where I'm stuck at home, doing nothing, and have nothing to say about it. Sometimes my friends will ignore me, and when that happens, I just can't do anything. I'm not a pushover though, I voice my opinions and I'm always myself. I guess that's why some people don't like me. Those around me just say that I'm intimidating as a person because I voice my opinions and act like myself more than others. I don't know if that's the case though.

I guess I'm not very like the community I was placed in. A lot of preppy, get everything they want, always complaining about grades, their lives, and everything in general kind of people. Mostly immature and into fads sort of thing. I like going off to the side and just doing my own thing.

When I meet new friends, the problem is that they can't accept me for who and what I am. I'm not that crazy popular guy on some sports team. I'm just the guy who wanders around not really paying mind to those around him. Maybe I'm selfish, I don't know. I do care about people, those who I associate with at least. I just don't show it maybe.

Well those are my 'problems'. I don't really consider anything else a problem, I just hate when I'm stuck and have nothing to do, nowhere to go, and everyone around me is moving.

EDIT: I should be clearer about this. I haven't always been this way. I used to be bottled up, never talked to anyone, and in my own world. This probably severely damaged my chances of having a major social life. I also hate cell phones.

I also asked out a girl at the start of the summer who has been working at a camp from then until next week. I waited up for her, but now I have no idea what the hell I should do about this, if I should call her up or whatever. I'm confused and this is the first time I'm going out with a girl .

[giovannile07]

Originally Posted by FlowWolf Sometimes I don't like my life. I don't have too many friends, but I am a social person and genuine to the friends I keep. However, there are times where I'm stuck at home, doing nothing, and have nothing to say about it. Sometimes my friends will ignore me, and when that happens, I just can't do anything. I'm not a pushover though, I voice my opinions and I'm always myself. I guess that's why some people don't like me. Those around me just say that I'm intimidating as a person because I voice my opinions and act like myself more than others. I don't know if that's the case though. I guess I'm not very like the community I was placed in. A lot of preppy, get everything they want, always complaining about grades, their lives, and everything in general kind of people. Mostly immature and into fads sort of thing. I like going off to the side and just doing my own thing. When I meet new friends, the problem is that they can't accept me for who and what I am. I'm not that crazy popular guy on some sports team. I'm just the guy who wanders around not really paying mind to those around him. Maybe I'm selfish, I don't know. I do care about people, those who I associate with at least. I just don't show it maybe. Well those are my 'problems'. I don't really consider anything else a problem, I just hate when I'm stuck and have nothing to do, nowhere to go, and everyone around me is moving. EDIT: I should be clearer about this. I haven't always been this way. I used to be bottled up, never talked to anyone, and in my own world. This probably severely damaged my chances of having a major social life. I also hate cell phones. I also asked out a girl at the start of the summer who has been working at a camp from then until next week. I waited up for her, but now I have no idea what the hell I should do about this, if I should call her up or whatever. I'm confused and this is the first time I'm going out with a girl .

Maybe you haven't found the right friends yet? I use to hang out with friends in like 1st to 3rd grade people that I don't have any associations with anymore I think it was for the better. I bet if you found the right group of people you'll have something great with them who knows, just don't close your options on friends. Also, the girl urmm I don't know I'm confused about the girl I like too. :/

[FlowWolf]

Originally Posted by giovannile07 Maybe you haven't found the right friends yet? I use to hang out with friends in like 1st to 3rd grade people that I don't have any associations with anymore I think it was for the better. I bet if you found the right group of people you'll have something great with them who knows, just don't close your options on friends. Also, the girl urmm I don't know I'm confused about the girl I like too. :/

Haha, thanks man. I'm still friends with people who I was friends with in elementary school. I would hang out with other people, but it's not one of those things where I really want to because my school is FULL of douchebags. I'm actually kinda happy with the friends I have, but sometimes I wish I had more or something.

EDIT: Wait, don't you meet a lot of cool people when bboying and going to battles and stuff?

[giovannile07]

Originally Posted by FlowWolf Haha, thanks man. I'm still friends with people who I was friends with in elementary school. I would hang out with other people, but it's not one of those things where I really want to because my school is FULL of douchebags. I'm actually kinda happy with the friends I have, but sometimes I wish I had more or something. EDIT: Wait, don't you meet a lot of cool people when bboying and going to battles and stuff?

Haha yeah you'll gain friends from b-boying no doubt. You're probably gaining friends on bboy.org already lmao! Also, you could try meeting people out of your school haha. >.< What city you from by the way? Well, you and me both want something more, but we can only see what happens right? Yeah, I have a friend I've known since elementary a couple are my best friends one of them I've known since kindergarten! :]

[FlowWolf]

Originally Posted by giovannile07 Haha yeah you'll gain friends from b-boying no doubt. You're probably gaining friends on bboy.org already lmao! Also, you could try meeting people out of your school haha. >.< What city you from by the way? Well, you and me both want something more, but we can only see what happens right? Yeah, I have a friend I've known since elementary a couple are my best friends one of them I've known since kindergarten! :]

Nowhere really recognizable. I'm in Suffern, NY which is like fifteen minutes from New York City considering there isn't any traffic. I mean, I don't live in the town, but I live right by it and go to school in that town's system. All the markets and stuff are there. We also have (what I think is) America's second biggest mall right around here (Palisades Mall).

[giovannile07]

Originally Posted by FlowWolf Nowhere really recognizable. I'm in Suffern, NY which is like fifteen minutes from New York City considering there isn't any traffic. I mean, I don't live in the town, but I live right by it and go to school in that town's system. All the markets and stuff are there. We also have (what I think is) America's second biggest mall right around here (Palisades Mall).

Oh I see well probably a lot of b-boys in New York City maybe. I want to move to New York after college! x] For a little bit not too long.

[FlowWolf]

Originally Posted by giovannile07 Oh I see well probably a lot of b-boys in New York City maybe. I want to move to New York after college! x] For a little bit not too long.

Haha, that's cool. I love it here. I also wanted to visit California. No plans of moving there though.

[giovannile07]

Originally Posted by FlowWolf Haha, that's cool. I love it here. I also wanted to visit California. No plans of moving there though.

mhmm I like the idea of living in a city where I can just walk because walking gives me thinking time.

[giovannile07]

Oh and I lose weight walking. :]

[bboyimaginasian]

ok i got a friend right and his girl jus broke up with him to be with some other dude im friends with the both of them but now the girl is starting to come on to me i dont know what i should do should i keep it to myself for should i tell the guy shes going out with