[FFWB]

Too many syllable at the end of first bar. Flow is off throughout, but the content is good. Try and get syllable count good, or let it flow... the big words added in one line in the bar make it hard to flow consistently. Good idea though, keep at it. Last 3 bars were good... enjoyed them.

Taking a U-Turn and just having a little fun with this daily. Spin off of the beginning of Lean wit it, Rock wit it, to go along with the mainstream rant earlier Enjoy.

Yep in my nik-ee's I break a cracka back
And I keep it real dank, oh I think they're like fat
And before I eat a mouse, I'm tightenin' up the noose
Yeah me and my crackas, don't keep it really loose

I get real hyphy when I dig a nice crack
And yes I may stank, like a used gym mat
Smell worse than a blouse, sprayed with anal juice
But that's alright to me, I love to smell the duece

Yep I do it night-ly I give that ass a smack
And yes I like to spank, when she's layed out flat
And I do it in the house, or when the potty says in-use
Nothing makes me more happy, then when cum is produced

Rinse.

Repeat.

[Elbee]

Fuck off.

[Tuddles]

yooo yoo check it
eye the mirror image, spittin back n forth wit me
forge harmoneous, squabble of a symphany
simpily put if i simpily could
spit a symphony but im phony, seriously
lyrically im shit and i sit in portables
physically unaverage, and not adorable

normal standards touch me as do the premium
feelin him aint a word used
to describe my outer slum, yum
a taste o inferiority cross my lips
rhymin un seniority, on this shit

wanna drop the mic say fuck this
it aint my niche id be better off
babysitten a cabbage patch bitch

on the mic spittin some hear me roar
spill this whores, gore across the board
like lore
depicting pillagin n out the world fantasy
fingertip dancin across this raw calamity
askin me who be that raw emcee
easy to see his suicidal tendancy
says his decree
document labeled

conffesions of a 16yr old dumbfuck
could lift up the 20 pound worth
of a freshmans workjunk

check the hump opposite the kids backside
scars on wrist make up covers the hatepride
often my "hello have a nice day"
exercise the pretense in an eerie sorta way

used to dream of bully beaten
no i pick silly reasons to run from fights
n increace my eatin

speaken words on beats
my mother hates hearin
could give a fuck hip hops
worth teachin

last but not least id like to say i hate jonald
oggled by pears got his downside toggled
bottled up enough to create another entity
epitimisin the eponymous tyrant, "hear me"


i dunno sorry for a monster of a post man
i dont know what i just wrote ethier, just kinda came out listenin to this beaaat
most of it probably makes no sense ahahah

yo ff... man
i dont know what to say....
shit

[VicValSwift]

Originally Posted by FFWB

Too many syllable at the end of first bar. Flow is off throughout, but the content is good. Try and get syllable count good, or let it flow... the big words added in one line in the bar make it hard to flow consistently. Good idea though, keep at it. Last 3 bars were good... enjoyed them.

Taking a U-Turn and just having a little fun with this daily. Spin off of the beginning of Lean wit it, Rock wit it, to go along with the mainstream rant earlier Enjoy.

Yep in my nik-ee's I break a cracka back
And I keep it real dank, oh I think they're like fat
And before I eat a mouse, I'm tightenin' up the noose
Yeah me and my crackas, don't keep it really loose

I get real hyphy when I dig a nice crack
And yes I may stank, like a used gym mat
Smell worse than a blouse, sprayed with anal juice
But that's alright to me, I love to smell the duece

Yep I do it night-ly I give that ass a smack
And yes I like to spank, when she's layed out flat
And I do it in the house, or when the potty says in-use
Nothing makes me more happy, then when cum is produced

Rinse.

Repeat.

Joke right?

If so, funniest one yet..

Will edit this with verse tomorrow.

[Bboy Jroc]

addiction..

i've far exceeded my expectations, at least that's what i like to think,
trapped in the cold like a skating rink, my prior thought's a revelation,
of a false reality, how ironic, i got this burning sensation,
a desire to melt the ice and release myself from desperation,
pragmatic observation, i need an instant separation,
from these ever-piercing eyes, every part of me dies,
to breathe is pain, like the nose and cocaine, it goes straight to the brain,
seconds later i'm on an ethereal plane, my speech is not the same,
satisfied, perhaps, scratching the surface of a mental relapse,
a fatal fetish that starts with a buckling of the kneecaps..

[61!/V9]

^I just came.

[Tuddles]

yo man they call for mic check n one, two
acceptin mic checks one too few, i do
i too, sit through the struggle, you do
and them dudes too

tell me not to talk about money
but its to relevant, forclose yeah settlement
eventually the reset buttons press
its evident

twentytwelve we've been told
mayan calender, truth old
sold to us, the reality, fed to us
perception n trust
present events bred through nuts

in other words commanders
lix (lyrics) encased, like amber
beauty n stability like red sanders
understand her.

[Diamond]

^no surprise, you always did seem the dick rider type. *EDIT - this is aimed at bling not tuddles.

Roc - Couple lines seem stretched text-wise but i have no doubts at all that it flows right if you spit it. Couple of places it seemed like u drifted, like using wordplay that didn't match the piece so much so it just seems like wordplay for the sake of it. When you stayed deep/vivid with it shit was cool though. Stay up.

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i'm used t'grippin knives, splittin sides'n strippin lives
shit derived from killin guys'n gettin high when kiddies die
so now i'm tryna change the world i kinda feel like a hypocrite
how can one who was so militant, expect y'all kids t'give a shit?
i've spilled blood on hallowed ground'n fought battles in hades
stormed castles'n ladies'n fiends who hoped they vassals'll slay me
a plague-fiend, i spread disease, collectively infected dreams
respectively of mens who breathe they final gasp'n rest in peace
i've wrecked the scemes of visionary guys who bide their time in war
yes i'm a myth alive and more, theseus who slayed the minotaur
a mind of gore so raw, my thoughts spawn sickness to reality
the manic man, satanic plan, i killed the son of gallilee....

[61!/V9]

Originally Posted by Diamond

^no surprise, you always did seem the dick rider type.

^No surprise, you always did seem like an asshole.

And yeah, I thought one of his verses was sick. I'm SUCH a dickrider for that.

Grow up man.

Someone drops a sick verse, I say good shit about it.

I'd even say good shit about yours since, regardless of what I think of you as a person, you drop ill shit.

[Diamond]

Better an asshole with skills than a dickrider with none

[Elbee]

Net beef. I love it.

[Diamond]

No beef elbee, you mistake me. I'm just pointing out that irrespective of whether i'm an "asshole" or not, I have skills, and I never ride people. perhaps if he stopped riding so much he might learn to write a half decent bar at somepoint in his life.

[Elbee]

Come on bro, he isn't that wack. Don't berate him so bad. He gives props to those better than him and there's nothing wrong with that. But then again, I have come to terms to the fact that you are a little outspoken and opinionated about things so I will leave it at that.

I will post up a verse later.

EDIT:
Diamond, your verses are always packed with mad vocab and knowledge. Its clear you read alot and know your stuff. Flow was on point, such an intelligent verse that I would even go as far as asking you to dumb it down but doubt you will ever stop spittin' such thought-provoking ishh and I definitely dig it.

My daily

Laying on the ground, profusely bleeding outta my chest
heavy exhales, grim undertones surrounding my breath
eyes dart across the room, and saw a shadowy figure
glimpsed a gun in his palm, with his hand on the trigger
he began to just shiver, suddenly drop his piece on the ground
could sense it in his eyes, wanted to split and get out
he looked rather familiar, trynna put a name to his face
wait! it was dave, he looked at me, ashamed and disgraced
Tried to ask 'why?' but all there was was an inaudible gasp
He mouth the words 'sorry' but that was an unforgivable act
as my vision gets dimmer, a nascent hatred that simmered
I summoned every ounce of my strength, held up my favourite finger
tarried for an eternity of a moment, finally turned and then ran
resplendant light shone over me, knew I was near to my end
Slowly began to close my eyes, it wasnt the way I chose to die
but breathed my last and my conscience left, without ever knowing why

[Diamond]

There's giving props, then there's kissin ass/sucking cock/riding like a champion jockey. Giving props is like "that was dope bro" or "nice man, props" the other scenario is shit like "I just came" ya dig?

[Diamond]

Elbee - nice descriptive piece. I liked the first person narrative you used, well structured and thought out. There was once noticeably stretched line but it wouldn't have mattered much in audio, all in all a solid piece, keep at it.

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it's a crying shame, how many peeps'll fight'n die in pain
times've changed, a hero's fated for a life of strain
who likes a game where every one who plays loses?
where the one who makes rules is the one who makes nooses
so we can hang ourselves with a rope of patriotism
it's bringin nations division, it's us who's placed in the schism
no use creatin a vision built on justice'n peace
when the powers're devouring hope'n crushing the weak
how're we supposed to trust that life is sacred and pure
when the hatred is sure, to bring a waste to it all?
we still takin the fall, for the mistakes of our leaders
the greatest of men? or just the greatest deceivers?
i'm so sick of machinations you can keep the intrigue
inciting guys t'rise up, put an end t'each of ya schemes
defeating ya dreams of placid, hopeless, mindless contingents
a stringent rhyme, inflict ya minds, my fight's too persistent