[Diamond]

Elbee - nice shit man, actually the way i spit the flow's spot on haha. Only thing I can say to you advice wise is try and switch up the rhymes every couple bars so it doesn't just seem templated. Rhyme schemes are all well and good, but it's ncie to switch it up a little bit with some out of the blue transitionals or quick internal bursts to make it more colourful. Good shit though.

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throughout ya histories, ya minds're filled by pics o'me
persistently, kickin quick-wit shit t'prove i'm sick at frees
i hit the trees, t'choke on smoke creates the brain surge
i flame nerds, my game burns the blatent fakest lame turds
with great words, i crush my victims like piano's in cartoons
thinkin you can beat me shows you in de-nile like khartoum
it starts soon, my massacre of infantile deceptions
insipidly created by devious world leaders as a collection
of hatred, mistaken for greatness when it's negative
claim they build a future for us all, when actions are degenative...

[FFWB]

sounds like some Benefit shiiiiizzzzzz. Like the scheme dude... love the scheme. New ideas for my schemes haha. Flow is tight at the beginning and then it is a little more choppy towards end, but you substituted it for message.. or so it seems I'm sure it flows for you. Multi's and inners are there. Nice verse bro, I need to step up to y'all's level

DAILY DROP!
-2BASIC-
We roll in nice cadillacs, keep hold of ya eyes like cataracs/
My lines call em rap attacks, flow on the beat like rat-a-tat//
Caps blast, and lids blow at my shows, y'all know I'm un-ique/
I'm Amtrak, how I'm movin' ya and attitudes're soon-tweaked//
My tunes leak, but when they leak, they pour/
Ya want more, like a fiend who ain't teaked before//
Mind on point, like a carpenter's precise measures/
You'll find my lyrics sharp'n'heard, mic divine treasures//
I spit gems, and make amends, after I've gone gold/
Out on whims, like thin stems, makin' sure my story's told//

EDIT: By Rakim flow I meant smooth like he is on his tracks and shit... not with the schemes and shit he uses... I ain't that good yet. I mean the same sound I guess... not flow :-/

[SpellBound]

^ Nice flow, but focus on the content, I get the feeling you're tryin to fit too many rhymes in there. Also, try switchin your delivery on bars up a bit, cuz in a lot of your bars you're sayin like and it gets repetitive.

Each day cascades away through the horizons edge
And as it fades you'll know it until your dying breath
No matter the setting, it's something you won't forget
Realizing that the sun's a workhorse and it hopes to rest
Takes the light gradually, the fragments're stolen slowly
Turns it to night, leaving a last glimpse of gold poetry
It shows how much the world adores the beauty of sun
Loving it's gift, it's never been treated rudely or shunned
Yet the greatness is too much'n we have to cloud our eyes
We want to delay it, as it starts lighting the mountainside
Impossible however, let it continue to leave'n fade away
Till the next morning when it rises early to save the day
Inhale the last bit of warmth of this routine twenty four
Watch it's slow journey downward in it's daily course
And when it's at it's end, your heart bleeds for one sec
Whether alone or with friends, we've all seen a sunset

[FFWB]

^ Thanks Spell. I'll keep that in mind

You are getting deeper man. This is a nice verse. I'm feeling the content. My next track is pretty deep to so I'm in that mood

[VicValSwift]

Spell, dope verse of course. You already know what I think haha. Like the whole concept of something making something so simple so glorious. Flow was on point except maybe 1 or 2 spots (gold poetry) but that isn't something you don't already know haha.

Here's a verse I wrote two days ago but was lazy to post it up (still need to finish yesterday's, do today's and tomorrow's.. LOL):

With this craft I'm lookin' for a way to forge my steel
But dysphagia chokes me when I try to gorge my meal
So surreal; to God, we gotta follow in tow and kneel
To repent, but then how am I supposed to deal?
With the fact that it takes time to grow and heal
I know it's real, when a situation is close and sealed
Posed to reel off when I need to express reflection
Progress perfection so I can address direction
For my future, so right now I must finesse this section
My only insurance since I don't possess protection
Rejection, is the obstacle I fear the most
I get edgy when I feel that it's near or close
Not here to boast, I only want to display my plea
'Cause we're all unique, we just have to pay a fee
The way I see, we're sittin' on the shoulders of giants
So I reach for the stars 'til I'm old and defiant

[FFWB]

"The way I see, we're sittin' on the shoulders of giants
So I reach for the stars 'til I'm old and defiant"

Umm... BAM! Good verse dude. Enjoyed reading it. Your shit always has good grammar and word-usage which is nice to have. And you have subtle rhyme schemes that flow well if that makes sense... well anyways. I might post later... or my post for today might be late tonight. Depends on work.

2's.

[Jasper_xx]

So I'm new here for freestylin', been bboying for a long while but it's on and off so I'm just getting back into it. The reason? I live in Canada, on a small Island, and the hip-hop culture is non-existent here. When I say that, I mean literally non-existent...I am the only bboy in the place that I've found, there's no clubs, no jams, no shows, nothing..so it makes it hard to stay focused.

I guess my goals are to just practice bboying and freestyin' more with like minded individuals since it's so hard to find encouragement here on the island. Anyway.


I storm in and drop like shock troopers\
Kill millions on a whim like world war two bloopers\
Light you off like adolf and the third reichstag\
Open your mouth, fire decree have your head in a bag\
Choked up in the shower cube, lose your breath and then gag\

I've got a highly explosive warning written on my side\
Nuclear warfare and forest fires I've been told are a crime\
But am I supposed to keep my fucking mouth closed all the time?\
Hell no, tapless faucet an unstoppable flow\
Swallow radioactive materials make my chest and throat glow\
Speak too fast and the mic will explode\
So I crank the heat down let it broil quite slow\
Have the mic a perfect golden brown by the end of this show\

I know it's very A\A\A\A\A\A, I gotta work on some internals and changing it up and stuff but those are just some things I had going on. All for now!

[Diamond]

Jasper - Your stuff is a bit rudimentary. There are some nice concepts in there though, i'd work on your wording and rhyme technique so that you can further your flow and put your thoughts across with more impact. A promising start on the forum though, you show potential so stay up.

[SpellBound]

Lately it's been a joke, every rap song is about the money
Yet none are dope'n don't care that they sound like dummies
What happened to true passion? Tryin to prove your the illest
Stead of what'll sell and the number of dudes you've been killin
Now I understand bein broke sucks, but bein wack is worse
Cuz it's nothin but a hoax, heavy bass laced with a faggot verse
Everyone follows the crowd and drives through the easy road
Music suffered like "It sounds good so who needs the quotes"
Deserve no respect, that's saved for the cats who love to spit
The birth of a death, this shit's ridiculous'n I've had enough of it
I don't hate them for capitalizing, just sick of their lack of drive
For the younger kids, it sucks that real rap has passed us by
Still, I'll keep writing bars'n hope to bring out a better scene
And I know that it's hard, but a quitter's what I'll never be
As the verse comes to a close, the thing I'm tryin to ask
Is all these days you spend spitting, well why do you rap?

[FFWB]

Some lines hit home. Others were just as played out as some mainstream songs...

I get what you are saying, but everybody does these verses now...

Money makes the world go round.. if you got it, you got it. Mainstream shit isn't dumb if you are looking for somethin' to bump, or a quality song... maybe it isn't talking about fucking life and about killings and whatever is wrong in the world and positive lets improve the world shit... but it is fun to listen to and that is why people listen. Not everybody wants to hear meaningful shit after they just worked for 9 hours. They want to tune into the hip-hop station, lay-back and fuckin' chill to some phat beats and simple, catchy hooks. Yes this was a rant and I'm sorry for typing all of this, but everybody on this fucking forum seems to think that mainstream is shitty... it isn't the same as fucking underground, get over it. Not everything has to be meaningful. Songs are supposed to sound good. If you can get a message in, fucking fabulous, if you don't and it still sounds good... good job.

My drop.

Spit lyrical bombs, jaw-droppin' even Saddam
Spear sickled palms, hip-hoppin', bow in salaam
Holy matrimony is when I rhyme A with A
It's a ceremony where I can say what I say
Players gettin' played, and delayers ain't paid
Slayers gettin' slayed, and portrayers gettin' laid
That's the rap biz, and I'm livin' it for my days
Buncha strapped kids livin' and spittin' craze
Gettin' plays, gettin' praise, like Red Nose the reindeer
Spittin' game, tryin' ways to bed hoes, man y'all been here


EDIT: Not flaming you Spell... just trying to get a point across.

[Diamond]

FFWB - not bad, some of it was fairly forced, which is ok but you need to work on getting your rhymes a little more coherent/relevant. Ok rhyme scheme, another person who would benefit from tranistionals at times. Don't forget that a rhyme scheme doesn't have to have a finite template throughout the whole of your verse, it gets very old when you do it that way, try and mix it up a lil. Also don't think you have to always use loadsa multies, it isn't a rule that rap has to have multies, they are just a tool you can use. Never sacrifice quality of lines for amount of rhymes.

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my skills're ever present, shit is effervescent
i'm comin up from the gutter like a clever peasant
had it rough, pushed through'n now i've risen from ashes
like the pheonix rising from the flames with vigor'n passion
i'll disfigure the classes'n replace the hierarchy
bring strain to the cogs of societies higher parties
a revolutionist, i'll overthrow the sons of the heartless
i'll take the illuminati and i'll plunge it in darkness
seems good has departed, so i'm lighting a flame
to purge the world with fire, make it righteous again
fight the disdain of ignoramous cats with frozen souls
plant a seed against the greed, so that hope can grow.....

[VicValSwift]

^Damn yo.. once again a dope verse. Don't really have anything to say except for the fact that your imagery and vocabulary mesh well to make dope ass concepts. Props man. Here's one I wrote a few days ago, i'm behind my daily by like.. 3 days but here it is:

I'm here to warm the hearts of the callous and cold
I'm not gonna just sit here and watch the malice unfold
With a chalice of gold filled with water to give
Here's an offer to live so you don't have to slaughter a pig
Dig deep and you'll find all the blessings and gifts
If you stop pressing your thrift then all the stressing will lift
Addressing with swift words all the strong and the bright
This is a call to arms and a song for the knights
Who long for a fight and wish to ignite the fire inside
Inspire a tide of bliss to push all the ire aside
Admire the vibe, this is a flow to lift up souls
To enrich you so you don't have to sift through gold
It's time to put to rest the demons lurking within
No more searching with grim thoughts, let the purging begin
Working to win, we need to unwind the lies and the sutures
To let the wounds heal so we can vie for a future

[SpellBound]

^ Flow was good, thought you used multis pretty well sounded a bit forced in parts. Content was cool, gave me a nice image in my head for what you were goin for. Actually reminded me of myself in this one, except I don't use as many multis : ) Overall a nice drop, definitely improvin

Here's my daily drop just a quick key, enjoy : )

I only got respect for cats that go'n spit from love
I'll bring my best, but no matter y'all are quick to judge
One look at your verses'n I can easily prove your weak
Talkin about my content? You've got NO room to speak
The ones who hate before they get past the first page
I know your fate, it's bein wack for all of earth's days
Judging by the talk of you no one cares what you say
Thought you got off clean, even spared for the day
Here's a tip, how bout you try actually readin it first
Try for once thinking, before you speak on my verse
And the truth is, you missed the point of my rhyme message
Cuz you couldn't take ya head out your ass for five seconds
This conceited prick thinks he's the holy preacher of right
You're makin me sick, forget the words you read on the mic
It comes down to this, don't ever think this guy's above me
Cuz you missed my point, and THEN he tried to judge me

[Diamond]

Spellbizzle - One of the better verses i've seen from you aimed at someone else, it's still clear u aint a battler, but you got a couple of nice vent-style punches in there, pretty good ish man.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

it's significant, that innocence is fading to obscurity
created hatred t'age kids'n generated pre-maturity
whatever happened to childhood? a thing of the past
now kids is drinkin in class'n hearin people singin of gats
how is it that we've fallen from civilised t'killin times?
ignored by governments that's why i'm sittin spittin rhymes
it seems these days a hero's made of money, ho's'n drugs
i remember days when heroes came in comic books
i remember kids who dreamed of bein cops'n firemen
nowadays it's all bout slangin, killin, poppin hymens
why do children strive for adulthood before their pre-teens
do they think a bullet through ya forehead brings ya sweet dreams?...

[Khaled]

Originally Posted by Diamond

Spellbizzle - One of the better verses i've seen from you aimed at someone else, it's still clear u aint a battler, but you got a couple of nice vent-style punches in there, pretty good ish man.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

it's significant, that innocence is fading to obscurity
created hatred t'age kids'n generated pre-maturity
whatever happened to childhood? a thing of the past
now kids is drinkin in class'n hearin people singin of gats
how is it that we've fallen from civilised t'killin times?
ignored by governments that's why i'm sittin spittin rhymes
it seems these days a hero's made of money, ho's'n drugs
i remember days when heroes came in comic books
i remember kids who dreamed of bein cops'n firemen
nowadays it's all bout slangin, killin, poppin hymens
why do children strive for adulthood before their pre-teens
do they think a bullet through ya forehead brings ya sweet dreams?...

damn thats some deep shit son. Really like the flow and the message is kinda wat I write about too...

anyways i dont feel like doing this hw so here goes my shit:

before you pull the trigger and kill that nigga - wait
do we need more hate or should we start to educate
this isn't our fate, were meant to be very great
no more descrimination we need to relate
to one another, join and become one nation
no more segregation or any seperation
the state of our desperation is a bad situation
damn the federal bearue of investigation
become our own administration and overthrow the others
im here standing side by side with all my brothers
no matter what color, or their nationality
our strongest bond is that of spirituality
wake up tio the reality of this sad actuality
people crazy after sexuality with out morality
whats this abnormality, it's never been seen before
thug babies killing over color at the age of four