[Bboy Jroc]

goals.. experiment with different rhyming styles (delivery, scheme, speed, etc.) and find one or two that suits me best, get more gigs, do a couple of mixtapes, and ultimately release the album early next year. i've been kinda slackin with recording, but trust that it's only coz i wanna sit down and take my time in lacing tracks. i really want the debut to be a hit, not just commercially, but also to have people understand that i don't have to dumb myself down to be successful. no garbage. no radio-type material. it's a risk i'm willing to take. with that said, i'll try to write as much on my free time, in hopes of expanding my vocab, improving my wordplay, and possibly assuming another alias. also, i wanna give my fellow artists a chance for exposure as i keep close contact with them here in my area. you never know when you need a hook or an extra verse to boost a song's marketability..

[FFWB]

Good luck Cee

Mode good verse dude, easy to read hope it becomes a track.

Elbee.. it is not only your delivery but your flow. Like sometimes on your tracks you have points where you speed up to fit all of your ingenious wordplay in and such when you have a good flow going. Maybe sacrifice wordplay in almost every line for the thing flowing and sounding good... I don't know just my 2 cents not meaning to be a dick or anything

FIRST 5 BAR VERSE FROM Emcee Jmac

It's me again, I know I haven't wrote in days/
My mind's a mess, but this note explains//
I can't think straight, and it's wearing me down/
I walk delayed, always bearing the frown//
It's hard for me, I don't usually admit my faults/
It's hard to see, cuz with me, I submit things to vaults//
Nothing comes out, unless it's pen to paper/
Or finger to keys, til issues thin vapor//
I'm sorry I can't be more open, it's the way I am/
You came in this knowin', trust is hard with past scams//

Random 4 Bar - (Poetic kind of shit... multi practice if anything. We'll find a persona for these kinds of things soon because I enjoy writing them.)

I ignite fires, and incite fights/
I indite desires, and invite sights//
I rewrite books, and recite rhymes/
I see quite looks, and put right crimes//
I'm an emcee, I'm a student/
I'm a type b, and I'm prudent//
I give to the girls, I'm above all pros flows/
I live for the world, but love for those close//

EDIT: Just woke up when I posted this, which would explain the terrible-ness. So I'm going to work something up and post it lattteeerrrr.

[RingerINC]

They say misery loves company, and soon you'll need friends/
I got your body for the weekend, so you'll meet the deep end of not breathin/
I leave you more than sleepin, so here's your bed time story/
The bullets form a lead line gory, untill you expect I'm sorry/
But I ain't never regretting, carve cuts with silver scalpals/
your year is doubtful, and the unverse will have to deal without you/
Coz now I'm in control of drawing ya life line, but my hands real shaky/
You can watch it quake see, so i skip, pause and break it and you didn't have to make me/

blagh typed that up, trying sinister, its almost 4 am lol. I'll take a look at some others when i wake up.

[RingerINC]

Oooh also, a new track im working on, i still need to write the third verse and the chorus, it's called shards in a mirror. Hopefully im getting dobb to hook me up with a beat dizzle. Otherwise it's jacking the clicksound 4 lyf.

He just stands there, staring at himself/
Scared of what he felt and the mirror barely helped/
His eyes wide, examining what he saw/
A person he barely knew with a body rotten raw/
His blood trickled, it didn’t drip and fall to the floor/
It hugged his body, above the pools that already had formed/
He stood in the white room, lonely, so the door was closed/
The bruises and light wounds on his core exposed/
He trembled lightly, with the rage and the cold/
And the light revealed every scar from today to the old/
So he hated himself and the way he was going with time/
So he lashed out with his fist at everything showing his mind/
And it shattered, for lack of a better phrase/
And showed him every angle from front to back with its rays/
And for the briefest moment in time, the mirror revealed/
Every single possibility the universe failed to yield/


He was stronger, and wasn’t pushed the fuck around/
And he’d never felt the pain of his dreams crushed to the ground
He was smarter, and he knew when to run/
And he knew how to stop the problems before they’d begun/
And he had courage, and he’d stand up for others/
Brothers in arms, he’d pull you up out of the gutter/
He knew what to say, to every girl he’d ever met/
And he had the face and personality you’d never forget/
And he was broken, couldn’t stand up no more/
Felt the weight of himself and the world pushed to the floor/
And he knew struggle, and what it meant to settle and fail/
And he had never seen anything ever prevail/
And he still had hope, and was able to smile/
A life worthwhile, held his head up through all of life’s trials/
And he was gone from this world, bled into his death/
Yet he was someone else, that he’d never even met/

[Bboy Jroc]

diggin the story u got goin on here bleach. ima cypher off it for today's entry..

Yet he was someone else, that he’d never even met/

like closed eyes in a crowded room, the darkness that looms,
never to shake hands, let alone give a hug or two,
with loneliness consumed, like the harrowing stench of an open tomb,
rigor mortis, a hardened heart like a corpse is,
a stab in the back is what he got, from the friends he had on top,
but soon as he hit rock bottom it was something they were not,
now the feeling's locked, never to love again,
never to give his trust to those who came and went,
gone without a trace, lost sight of a familiar face,
but if they ever come back, hell itself will be raised,
like the ancient of days, medieval knights, an evil plight,
finding revenge for every wrong sustained, strange how it feels so right,
it ends tonight, the lies that brought him spite,
the ill will, the very forces that kill,
holding his breath still, coz salvation couldn't be nearer,
waiting to exhale the pain, the shards in a mirror..

and when they come for you, would you recognize the pain?
could you mend a broken soul, and save it from being maimed?
the acts have well been played and the words forever said,
save me from these shards, the mirrors of eternal death..

[JRod]

my goals: i would have to say almost everything. work on inners, multis and get my vocab up. to do this im gonna have to get off my lazy ass, stop just freestyling and start writing my shit down. after that i would like to tackle audio. i have been reluctant to do this in the past because you got to invest money in the mic and software and plus i dont like my voice. work on my presence or delivery on the mic. the flow alittle bit and at the end i want to make a quality song.

[FFWB]

Yo when I'm spittin' I'm livin' like I'm wreckin' the stage/
And when I'm sittin' I give in and start pennin' the page//
I'm rhymin' fresh like some goods suck up on the shelf/
While I'm linin' up some hook licks to buck up my self//
And they may not be truth, but nobody knows/
Just give me a beat, a booth, and I'm bringin' the flows//
So that's the story and it's just been told/
Your the first to hear the next platinum sold//

Kind of a mix between all three personas a little bit. Got some talkin' in circles, some chill lines, and some I go hard lines so... yeah.

[JRod]

Originally Posted by FFWB

Yo when I'm spittin' I'm livin' like I'm wreckin' the stage/
And when I'm sittin' I give in and start pennin' the page//
I'm rhymin' fresh like some goods suck up on the shelf/
While I'm linin' up some hook licks to buck up my self//
And they may not be truth, but nobody knows/
Just give me a beat, a booth, and I'm bringin' the flows//
So that's the story and it's just been told/
Your the first to hear the next platinum sold//

Kind of a mix between all three personas a little bit. Got some talkin' in circles, some chill lines, and some I go hard lines so... yeah.

i like it. i think its a good start to a verse. nice flow. work in some more multis. i like the pennin the page line. it reminds me of idle hand.

[JRod]

like a diabetic inside of a candy store/
everyone has to fight their internal war//
its like quicksand, you fight but you cant get free/
internal desires holds captive, without chains and keys//
dont need to go to sleep, cause you live in a nightmare/
always scared, knowing darkness is in the night air//
you keep on going, cause theres promise in the light/
trying to figure out whats right, in this eternal fight//

for some reason. its really not flowing as good as i want it to be. im gonna keep revising it, to make it better. but that pretty much what i have so far.

[VicValSwift]

^That was pretty arrite. Simple rhyme schemes and such.. flow was off at some points, but message is pretty cool.. just keep workin' on it.

Here's my daily 16 (doubled up for the hell of it haha):

Arrite well this one was written in inspiration my girl..

You got me committed to our faith like a ministry
The equations, the formulas, call it chemistry
And you don't need makeup, your beauty makes up for that
And this duty takes up my Raps, I'm not bothered, in fact
If you were in a state of dizzying sensation
I'd be there to be your source of orientation
I know it's corny, but this verse isn't for me
Every second you aren't around, my skies are stormy
And I know sometimes this relationship might hurt
But you're perfect; it's like you were the outline for God's work
We can go star gazin'.. but you shine bright and I'm star cravin'
"Picture's worth a thousand..." so your image I'm savin'
You my safe haven, when I'm lost, I follow your heartbeat
Bein' the queen of the world is no easy feat
When I'm in your presence, it's like we're suspended in time
You're my beat, my melody, and my perfect rhyme...

This verse is something completely different in content and form.. just finished:

I have this small doubt that my rhymes won't enthrall crowds
It seems I'm not high enough to top the tall shrouds
Of mystery, should've learned from my history
That writing to exorcise stress is bliss to me
And that the voice of my soulmate is a sweet symphony
While our interactions relieve the misery
Embedded within, let it begin solemnly
Follow me, as I spill out my form of philosophy
Dreams beyond the stars, so I practice astrology
Meanwhile, thoughts race towards me at high velocity
What's stoppin' me? Solving problems and doing the math
It's like my brain is subconsciously moving the path
Into a direction that's far and abroad
But my hands are compelled to write bars 'n it's odd
'Cause I can't refrain, won't complain, my voice is a tool
To express my thoughts, ideas, choices, and rules

No one commented my first verse I posted, *tear*.

Haha, naw.

[Tuddles]

ya when i grab ya mic, i ignite the blight
incite the delight of animatin
like sprites
on a mario n luigi save the princess
notice the noblesse are compelled to mental
incest, financially sound
not a hearty invest
not in a relative progress
im left lonely
i transgress
optin to expel the air from my chest
permanently, check mate goes my game o chess.
dreamin bout spittin it for fun like recess
speakin have heartly into the mic i possess
i profess....
my inner context the only means i express
my final breaths in forms oh foggy stress.

daily uppp

yo V, that first first was dope as hell man the second was sick too but

We can go star gazin'.. but you shine bright and I'm star cravin'
"Picture's worth a thousand..." so your image I'm savin'

damn dude that stuff got me ahahah
im begining to wonder why my rhymes never are structured like that
most dudes on bboy seem to be able to do em like that...
does my ish fall off in quality because of it?

[Elbee]

Nevermind how your verse is structured as long as the finish product sounds dope. Besides, it can be considered your own writing style.

EDIT:

My daily eight. Haha.

Sweet as sugar is my flow, heed the rumors I am dope
write a litany and a prose, never caught super-ing a hoe
Style is majestic, king-like, wealth of gold in lyrical prowess
giving minimal focus, still enough to fuckin' ridicule flow-ers
one of a kind, divine with the rhyme schemes, a hip hop deity
punch with a line, define what my mind thinks, all's not sick as me
please excuse my sentiments, quintessential, infuse with elements
against me, even musclebound postmen aint strong enough to push the envelope

[SpellBound]

I wrote this today, just me reflecting on all the ish that's happened this Summer.

Time to face the future, and stomach the strange
This isn't the summer of 08 it's the summer of change
Although I was happy school was done in an instant
That first day of freedom I knew something was different
Cuz the very next week I was working my first job
Could've been worse, my coworkers could be jerk slobs
Wasn't the case here, I'd say I'm the joy that they cherish
They love me, well of course, I'm employed by my parents
Not only a job, but I severed ties with a rapping friend
He was unreliable, not like I hated em or laughed at him
Just sick of recording there, and my solo work is hard to match
So I left, taking two steps back'n I'll start from scratch
That's when I started doing all this writing, a page a day
It's the roadwork of my success'n soon I'll pave the way
Although I'm not recording for now, still might be postin a track
And at the end of the summer, my parents'll know that I rap
Enough about SpellBound, time to discuss his real namesake
Cuz I love to rap, but for right now it's time to make way
While SB is in the lab writin his pages'n makin some bars
Trevor Oliver is doin things like learnin to play the guitar
Hangin out with friends and just enjoyin the days
Not worryin about football comin to spoil this phase
School edges near and each twenty for I'm losin a day
Faced with the reality that a good friend might be movin away
It truly is sad, cuz I wanted more than to be her friend
And the worst part about it is I might never see her again
There's a lot of emotion now, not expressed in some rap rhymes
But the truth of this matter is I wanna see her one last time
It might not've ever worked out because love's a hard thing
And this sudden news is the type that tugs my heart strings
Rain clouds above my head, like emotions playin the weather
It is a summer change, but not everything's a change for the better

[Mode]

sometimes i just wonder how different it is,
when someone gets under 'n thinkin to quit,
there's been so many times i'd sink an abyss,
wish i didn't exist 'n need a drink 'n a fix,
wouldn't listen, i grew distant with rifts,
'n i'd put up walls in the instant you'd sit,
wanted to share, was scared shook of the option,
scared that you'd stare 'n look at me wrong 'n,
i lost it, grew tired - thoughts were silent,
till i picked up a pen, put my thoughts to writin,
'n serious, i'd pen up some awesome rhymin,
but then i'd scrap it 'n i sought to hide 'em,
didn't want you to see whats on in my head,
whats wrong in my chest 'n i'd lock it instead,
'n well honest, i guess i'm self concious,
it's just another skeleton dealt to hells closet..

[RingerINC]

Ok I'm gonna comment on a few working backwards then post another 4 for today.

Mode, cool verse, didn't do your usual multi madness type thing, but i like the content. No real criticisms on it.

spell -- nice, only issue is with some of the vocab choice, like jerk slobs and stuff. It's got kind of a nice nostalgicey tone to it and dunno if that kinda wording would work that well with it. Really good verse though, it was a real straightforward descriptive style without getting that whole "this is what i did, then i did this" kind of boringness, but it wasn't overly poetic which i think worked really well.

elbee, man i swear to god i can't read some of those as rhyming, the 3rd bar with deity/sick as me was sick as hell, but the other 3... i can see what you were trying to do but the way i say those words i can't make them rhyme.

tuddles... why you gotta break my head with formatting, most of the lines i could read, but you gotta keep in mind that text is supposed to be transferrable to audio, so it should be able to be broken up into simple lines, otherwise its really just poetry using your own metre or something. So there's no real reason to have the whole stretchey and short line thing going. But apart from that there were some cool lines within there. especially some of the later ones.

vic, you good. lol. I like both verses there, maybe with the second you could have experimented more with the single rhyme chain by using multiple words rather than more words with the same suffix. Just keep going at it dude and you'll keep getting better at the multi ish, also i'd like to see how you go with a topical type verse, because i imagine you could do one quite well.

jrod, it reads fine to me, good work experimenting with the rhymescheme, keep developing it and nice metaphor to start it off with. Also, with this verse try not to use the same uncommonish words too close together, because you said internal and fight twice pretty close together, try hitting up a thesaurus when you encounter little problems like this.