[Zodiak Stizo]

Mode: like the message which was one of life and constant throughout whole verse. Flow went tell. Good real time examples too. Talk about qualities that holds true to people, some more than in others. Kind of message that people always say, but most uncosciously don't follow. Not played messages, just not actually realized. One thing so say and pass through a mind, another thing to actually put yourself in the message and see what part of it you fit in.

Zeke: it was different. have not seen much stuff like this except when i think of poetry. I was not very good in poetry in english classes so i didnot get into them b/c did not understand the concepts of what some of the poets were writin and when i did not see how it reflected political, social, and present issues. i understand how you describe your life in the way of fallin in love, also parts in and out, but some wordings left me thinkin kinda hard and i was not able to decypher some lines like this:

freaks weak speech a of playground shove.


on lighter notes of deathly dying doves//
-this line made me think of biblical sense, but still cannot grasp what you were tryin to say

speaks wisdom of inside finding loves//
-my reason was: inside your body is your heart...symbol for love. Also 'don't judge a book by its cover' phrase runs through my head about lovin coming from the inside, not looks

ridiculed for stagebound stray found, a slithering stud...
-imagine that some ppl dont give you correct props for mc-ing, even on stage literally, though when i think of it 'stage' can be in a context sense

vocab not so bad, slowed back on bud... so thoughts refromed from mud//
-said you wrote this at odd time[x] in the morning 12 < x <7
so first impression was you were drunk.....bud ->budweiser. First thing to pass. Second thing was if you were then you were in presence still writing true, just not as straight as you could with a clear head. Third was if symbolism then the second thing I thought still held, just that you were not literally drinkin.....

far from the spot which life now rescides//
but distance in passion, can not be defined//
-got first line, second line took me time to think about it, but when i do it makes sense to me now

*and time after time a fine line is designed//
when true love and present life drastically coallide//*
-i think was the top line, <- my reader's choice

the rest honestly lost me, specially the last line

[Zodiak Stizo]

razor - good contrasts and word choice. Themes make wordplay look 10x more the better. Good examples to use with logic and regular day phrases. Some which are used in popular qoute's like yin and yang, but you put alot of stuff together like porper english and slang. Overall theme kind a self-actualization of world external and internal to oneself

[Zodiak Stizo]

-very good hook to follow up on verse. good message on inequality of females to males and what they have to go through

Feels like I'd be better off with my eyes closed
A constant blindfold... cuz this world can be cold
-like choice of words, nice follow up

Seems insane that a variety of girls that are beautiful
Are dying to be the Playboy's next recruitable
-luv the way was put

So they pay for implants and injections
Just to make men dance with erections
-whoa now,first thing i think of was grindin...i wonder why...but to b true though it is sad that there not half the number of guys doin what glr do just to make money in a chauvenist world: changin the bodies God gave them. When you sit and actually realize it it makes me feel sick and annoyed by men high up in the system and the ones that want to be.

They catch infections
Lead a life with no direction
And then rejection sets in and takes it toll
Once a beautiful girl, now living in a dark hole
She's looking around like where'd the time go?
Crying cuz she wasted her life to be the top hoe
-real nice cuz also has the Alice in Wonderland clueless adventure which turns out to be a horror-ful dream, but this is real life, you can't wake up after fuckin it up...well i think of alice.i.w., dont know if others see my view or choice of it


*(hook)
I don't like it and I really don't get it
Society can be incredibly pathetic
With everything that's expected
But it is what it is so I just accept it*
-nice nice

[bboyarfen]

razor...that was ill, flow was dope and the words were nice too...I was feelin that

mode...nice, good message and nice flow. I especially liked the ending...thought it was dope.

zeke...liked it, some thought provokin stuff...don't really have anything else to say about it
__________________________________________________ _____


wrote this in the freestyle session thread...thought I'd post it in here for feed...

open ya ears, ya'll better be hopin ta hear my dope sounds grow/
arfens the illest emcee, man hes tight like a 400 pound ho/
I slit throats, an eat goats...I make the swedes fuckin pissed/
rippin shit like a kid on a colorin book, on the mic im an imature bitch/
got amateur fists, but I got hard punches, pro as can be/
off the beaten path like a jeep, I 'wrangle' native 'cherokee'/
ill~like~me you~can't~be, grill~emcees I kill~with~ease/
spill~the~beans, y'all know ya wanna be~like~me, I just~cant~be~beat/
I make needles sway, even heroin addicts turn away/
instead of burnin veins they feel my ways, caught on me they stay/
great like lays, I'm fuckin irresistible to every couch 'potatoe'/
crazy with my flows, I mold weak minds like playdoh/
sick of the same flows, can't get past the stuff I hate/
I rip lame hos, I could burn 50 faster than a fat kid eats cake/
I'm fuckin great, bring the violence...can ya feel the heat/
amputation never scared me, cause I can fire a gun with my teeth!!!/

[Zodiak Stizo]

arfen - some stuff around the beginnin and end kinda were like yea, heard somethin like that before. had some nice wordplay in ur verse. the parts with ~ i was not sure wut u were gettin at, i will read that again. This is wut I liked personally

Originally Posted by Arfenheimer got amateur fists, but I got hard punches, pro as can be/ off the beaten path like a jeep, I 'wrangle' native 'cherokee'/

[bboyarfen]

i liked how the ~ looks

[SPAZZZ]

okay, could I get some feedback on my verse...

what is a person? is the line between conscious and subconscios defined?/
or is it just pure figment of mind?/
when Noahs arch was designed/
why was the elegant unicorn left behind?/
is ignorance the uniform for a mind?/
in dream states thought waves coalate and combine/
and it all makes sense for just a moment in time/
and for that moment life is simply sublime/
until you wake up and realize how hard the truth is to find/
I ponder who designed the constellations, a more advanced for of man/
or was it just the power of the big bang?/
was the moon once part of the earth?/
emerging from the crust and stuck in the orbit after its birth?/
i come to terms with being imperfect and practically worthless/ therefore I'm yet to surface with a justifiable purpose/
attributes define what I am like take for example/
Im a mammal, could it be argued that Im just an animal?/
Plus Im a son and a friend/
not to mention the hundreds of characteristics that just roll into one in the end/
my blueprint is almost to complex to present/
who am I? the product of evolutions descent.

oh and the only thing I'd like to say about Zodiac Stizo verse is... You spit sodomy? you spit anal-sex? is that what your trying to say?

[puertolumbian]

i always keep my rhymes exquizit/
i mean what i speak,
whatever i rhyme....i live it/
im not the type to spit the fiction/
im the type to go covert ops on an emcee,
and rip the mission/
and of course,
im willin to die for speakin the truth/
word of God i write,
no matter what, i preach to the youth/
but at times,
im constricted to livin underneath heaven's gate/
sometimes it seems like,
im left to forever wait/
and keep myself from gettin my wings/
so God blessed me with verbal talent,
instead of killin emcees wit weapons and things/
sometimes i show mercy,
sometimes im crucial with my decision/
and it seems like,
im undergoing mental revision/
so i pray to God,
help me live and get my life straight/
aint no tellin how long i can have my life wait/
just gimme a pen and pad,
and a mic wit 2 turntables/
gimme a second to spit my hot lines,
and watch me as i burn the cables/
that keep me stranded,
with the cords around my neck/
lemme let the pain loose,
gimme a *sound check//


* sound check on the mic


aight.....hit me up wit feedback at my email:

jvillebboy@yahoo.com


---===Adrenaline===--- <----- Thats me =)

[Mode]

aight spazz - good content was feelin your verse, some different idea's in there i'd like to know what was goin through your mind when you wrote it.. flow is on an off at times.. good vocabulary.. overall it's probably the best stuff i've seen from you, was fresh. keep elevating.

puerto - i'm not feeling your new text styles.. flows was aight.. was good, but not one of your best drops.. good that it's got an uplifting theme.

peace.

[Mic Abuser]

aight, its feedback.....aight.....

[puertolumbian]

anyone else got feedback?

[nightshadowdude]

yo... let me preach/
let my flow reach/
the minds and ears of everyone near/
let my wordsfill hearts with the rymes i speak/
using only tounge and cheek/
and as your brain quivors/
from the intense insanity i deliver/
just remember, i'm no cold faced killer/
but i'm soon to be the lyrical heavyweight contender

yeah thats all i got for now

[nightshadowdude]

someone critic me!
please

Alright....heres a breakdown for u dude

Flow was iffy at parts, work on gettin sum multi's to help it flow rhyme sheme is good but to elevate ur gonna need to add complexity in there. As I look closely at ur spit, To me its what Hangman would refer to as forced rhymage. Preach/reach ye it rimes but its like dr suess shiet....

Over all its a good spit, juss learn to elevate...urrrone hurr is ready and willing to help u elvate.

i was gonna drop but i chagned ym mind

[bboyarfen]

puerto - liked the ideas...good theme, but I think your rhymes could have been more complex and/or you could have used longer lines. It flowed alright, but if you used more multies/inners I think it would be better...