[flobotopics]

aight one verse, like 10 or so bars. just not too long, or too short. ummmm we just need heads to supply a topic. we'll choose which one we both like. normal voting. blah blah blah......



You lost everything in the world, your even gonna die, you have one last verse you can write, ... write it ... what are you gonna say to the world? say to you friends n fam? say to yourself?


thanx to decypher and dobb for helping *thumbs up*

[mothafunky]

yo, figured i'd drop this shit before i split to work. aight aight.

All i got left in this life are these feelins inside me/
the ones i been hiding, the ones that describe me/
so now as i lay here wit my pen an my pad/
send love to my moms, respect to my dad/
an when you know hat i'm gone, please dont be sad/
cuz you raised me up strong, an i'm thankful for that/
to all my homeboys out there that ain't kicked it enough/
were dawgs past our death, stay up an stay tough/
to all yall that be rappin, stay spittin it tight/
cuz when ya rippin the mic, that's ya meanin a life/
but yo, i'm seein this light, an it's glowin real strong/
so i ain't got that long to stay throwin this song/
so i'm a step wit love for my pops, respect for my mom.

[flobotopics]

almost forgot about this....here it goes off the top

i sit up and its prolly my last night of life, wishing it was a full one with kids and a wife
but i lived it trife and been through strife, i swear i had unprotected sex only twice,
and i mean i just wanted to get laid, now i'm counting down the hours til i die because of aids
parents shouldn't bury their kid, so mom and dad i'm sorry for everything i did
you loved me from the crib, and thats all i coulda asked, gave me hugs for grades when i passed
even if i came in last ya told me i did good, ya sent me to college straight out the hood
ya gave me two brothers one younger and one older,it was having two peeps to hold me up at the shoulders
i am sorry billy and kevin for makin ya lives colder, make sure ya tell my boys what i told ya's
tell each and every friend i loved em til the end, and from heaven i will send blessings to all my men
looking over their lives and all their seeds, asking god to forgive all bad deeds
whoever reads this remember do as one pleases,
but i am an example that unprotected sex leads to death by sexually transmitted dieses's

[Yosh One]

Mothafunky; a nice verse. Flow was on, but you mentioned your parents twice and I kinda get the feeling you've tried to write something universal as opposed to personal and this takes the edge out of it (for me, personally). Was kinda touching but a bit predictable.

I felt Flobotopics' verse had a more personal edge, that style of storytelling that lets you know it's from the heart (or the crotch, whatever). Verse elevated towards the end to a more universal message, and that always works.

The flobot gets my vote, (probably on virute of life experience/knowledge)

Peace, keep illin' both of ya.

Mu'funky

All i got left in this life are these feelins inside me/
the ones i been hiding, the ones that describe me/

flow was on point but pretty boring, read a bit like a nursery rhyme imo. wasn't feelin the rhymin the same word either. u got better than this man. content was ok, not a bad opener

so now as i lay here wit my pen an my pad/
send love to my moms, respect to my dad/

again ya flow was on but it's real generic ish, it comes across a little newbish which u don't deserve coz you got much more skill than this. content matched the flow, generic.

an when you know hat i'm gone, please dont be sad/
cuz you raised me up strong, an i'm thankful for that/

pickied up ya rhymes a lil bit here, flow got a lil moreinteresting too. content again was a bit unimaginative.

to all my homeboys out there that ain't kicked it enough/
were dawgs past our death, stay up an stay tough/

flow was still on and a little more interestin to read than before but not much, content is improving in this bar.

to all yall that be rappin, stay spittin it tight/
cuz when ya rippin the mic, that's ya meanin a life/

flow was alot nicer due to ya multie, i quite liked this bar, more like your normal standard.

but yo, i'm seein this light, an it's glowin real strong/
so i ain't got that long to stay throwin this song/
so i'm a step wit love for my pops, respect for my mom

woulda been better if you either broke off the last line and made it into another bar or just scrapped it coz thet last one was weak in my opinion, other 2 were decent

flow - on point but far too generic and uninteresting - 3/5

use of topic - not bad, but coulda gone more into your feelings, it seemed a little flat for someone who just about to die - 3/5

creativity - lacking here, it seemed like a newb verse from a decent emcee in my opinion - 2/5

enjoyment - very little - 2/5

overall - 10/20

Flobogoddi


i sit up and its prolly my last night of life, wishing it was a full one with kids and a wife

flow was aite, u got better, liked what you were sayin though, you set your scene which is good for portrayin your picture/scene.

but i lived it trife and been through strife, i swear i had unprotected sex only twice,

better flow, ok inners, again, came creative with what u wrote about.

and i mean i just wanted to get laid, now i'm counting down the hours til i die because of aids

not sure so much about the flow, it doesnt fall off but i'm not sure if i dig it. again you're progressin your story in a way which seems personal to you rather than just telling the facts or talkin about your folks

parents shouldn't bury their kid, so mom and dad i'm sorry for everything i did

likin the flow, and likin the content, it has more impact than just sayin 'sorry parents' coz you used the whole, parents shouldnt outlive they kids thing, i think this was my fave bar of the battle.

you loved me from the crib, and thats all i coulda asked, gave me hugs for grades when i passed

i really digged errythin in this bar too, it gives the reader a picture of little goddi all proud over school and also reminds me of the whole 'life flashin before your eyes' before you die steeze.

even if i came in last ya told me i did good, ya sent me to college straight out the hood

nice again, i'm likin how you talk about the things in your life, it makes the character in your verse far more believable.

ya gave me two brothers one younger and one older,it was having two peeps to hold me up at the shoulders
i am sorry billy and kevin for makin ya lives colder, make sure ya tell my boys what i told ya's

nice bars, not your best but you really develop your character by relating memories to feelings.

tell each and every friend i loved em til the end, and from heaven i will send blessings to all my men

i didnt really dig this bar, maybe it was the wording, or maybe it was you assuming you goin to heaven lol (jk)

looking over their lives and all their seeds, asking god to forgive all bad deeds

this is a great bar, it shows how much you care for other people, and gives the impression of selflessness to the bitter end, i dig that kinda shit.

whoever reads this remember do as one pleases,
but i am an example that unprotected sex leads to death by sexually transmitted dieses's

only you could end a verse about dyin like this man, lmao, i know it aint really funny, but the way you said it makes me laugh.

flow - not your best but some decent shit in there man - 3.5/5

use of topic - really digged how you got right into yourself to portray the character as it was u - 4.5/5

creativity - again, you owned it man, i really liked how you did this shit, big ups - 4.5/5

enjoyment - i really enjoyed this verse man, its one of my faves of yours i;ve seen because of how you used your own experience to give strength to a hypothetical verse, keepin it about expression can be hard in topicals. - 4/5

overall 16.5/20

my vote - Flobotopics

[flobotopics]

bump bitty bump

[mothafunky]

man, fuck yo, if we ain't get another vote by next friday, i just concede to a k.o. by flobot.

[Anaktix]

aight, lemme break it down right quick....

mu'funky:

verse sounded aight, i mean flow was on 'n it was coo but just seemed too generic in my opinion.....wasn't a bad verse but just aint really captivate me 'n suck me in. there were some good lines, lil parts like this were coo:

an when you know hat i'm gone, please dont be sad/
cuz you raised me up strong, an i'm thankful for that/
to all my homeboys out there that ain't kicked it enough/
were dawgs past our death, stay up an stay tough/"

i mean ya verse wasnt bad by any means, was just pretty short and you aint really delve into any details of ya life, if this was really ya last verse you would get madd deep 'n personal, so overally decent but just was lackin that extra suttin, that personal touch ta get me.

goddi:

was feelin it, was feelin the personal touch in this one, had me feelin like you were really rollin out......to me there werent any super stand out lines but the cohesion of the lines 'n the way you kinda made it seem like you were writin a letter reflectin on everything drew me in.......talkin bout ya aids, ya grades, school, brothers........just had the personal appeal, made it seem more realistic..........ta me the last line was stretched but it aint really take much away from the overall verse.



the difference imo is that funky seemingly wrote a quick verse usin the topic on the surface but goddi internalized it more 'n it seemed more heart felt which is what this topic needed. where funky just said respect ta my dads, flo talked about thanks fa sendin me ta college, love even when i wasnt the best student, etc. just seemed more realistic.....

so because of better emotion, deeper story line 'n such i'ma give my vote ta floboticus.

good battle yall.

stay up.

peace.

[mothafunky]

aight, before this thread gets closed, props to goddi, thanks for voting those that did. it was fun.

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