[electron]

well , yeah ... for sure , the STD thing scares us all , and everyone i'm involved with is as militant about protection as I am . I'm actually going to get tested again today - don't think there is anything weird going on , but it's standard procedure for me to make sure ... we all use condoms , and check before " gettin in " , and part of this thing about polyamory is that you are HONEST and able to have discussions about this kind of thing . It's not like the bathhouses of the 80's , its not anonymous sex ... it's responsible activity . THere is a huge difference .

Herpes is one of the only STD's that can be transmitted even if you ARE wearing a condom, and about 20 % of the population has it , a lot of people don't even know . So that's one you've got to be careful about . BUt STD"s aren't only passed through sexual contact - you can get them from toilet seats , for example , it's been known to happen . so you've just got to be careful about your bits in this day and age , period .

I find that when i know the other people who my partners are involved with , i'm less worried than if it's a totally anonymous thing and i don't know if someone is cheating on me , or gets with an ex , and the i dont' know where anybody has been . When it's more out in the open , i can ask questions more directly , without getting squeamish .

[tinyD]

my roomate has herpes and genital warts.....now i get tested too with my physical, and i hope to god i never get them, especially not from the toilet seat in our place, but that would mean all my friends would get them as well bc we all use it. arrgghh, hypochondria again, damn it electron, look what you've done anyhow she got them from a steady boyfriend who lied to her about it, which goes to show it can happen to anyone no matter what you feel about sex etc.

[B-Girl BaLi]

i guess in some things i have extreme caution.. if ive been with a person... for a long time i tend to trust them.. but normally i have long conversations about past relationships... ect.ect. and have a pretty good grasp on thier general... well ... i tend to let my gaurd down... my current relationship is like that... but i think i wanna start this topic in the X forum.. cuz it could get racey... in some respects... you can finish shit here.. but im jus sayin it'll be up there an here

[Instigator]

Originally posted by tinyD
my roomate has herpes and genital warts.....now i get tested too with my physical, and i hope to god i never get them, especially not from the toilet seat in our place, but that would mean all my friends would get them as well bc we all use it. arrgghh, hypochondria again, damn it electron, look what you've done anyhow she got them from a steady boyfriend who lied to her about it, which goes to show it can happen to anyone no matter what you feel about sex etc.

Damn that is Rough..

[electron]

my longest and best friend also has herpes
she lives with it , she's lived with it for , like 12 years now ...
i guess a lot of people live with it , i think that it must just be harder because if you want to get in to a serious relationship with someone you've either got to look out for someone who also has herpes , or have a partner who eventually doesn't mind getting it in order to be with you in that sense .

difficult , eh ?
then again , over here in SF ... with the amount of HIV positive couples around , herpes seems like a roadbump on that kind of highway . I thank my lucky stars that i've still got nothing like that . That and i thank some really good education that got drilled in to me young .

THe herpes virus is killed by nearly anything , even water does it , so unless the seat has JUST been used while she's on an outbreak , then chances of contracting it are minimal . If it freaks you out , wipe it down . Your roommate has it rough . My sympathies to her .


oh , and if you're with someone who you suspect may have had exposure in the past , contraceptive foam does a pretty good job of minimizing infection rate .

[B-Girl BaLi]

I love that electron knows soo much... if i ever have any ?s ill ask her...

[electron]

heh
thanks bali , although , all the info i've got has been from grilling health care workers and web research , so it's just as easy to do it on your own and find out everything you ever wanted to know ... and more

[B-Girl BaLi]

yea but im the type that would rather hear it form some one who KNOWS... even if its by finding out your self.. im jus weird like that

[tinyD]

thanks electron, i was freakin there for a while. she hasn't had a breakout in a while...maybe 8 months. the only thing about having a partner with it as well is they keep on infecting u so u break out alot more, at least that's what happened to her, well he gave it to her, and never broke out himself, but he's a carrier. since they broke up she has had no outbreaks. wow life is so scary. its like some weird karma thing.....ahe cheated on her boyfriend from a while ago at least 10 times even with his best buds etc and he still doesn't know to this day. she hooks up with this new guy and within a month she has the warts. how much does that suck.....i'm not saying in any way that she deserves it, but it was weird that it happened to her right after the fact. i love her to bits and wish that she was more careful with her sex life.

take care everyone.........protection and knowledge is the key!

[Aura]

Thank God, I can honestly say this part of relationships I've never experienced. I've always gotten checked prior to starting any type of new sexual relations and always used protection if the relationship was new. And I've never had "promiscuous sex". Call me lame, but whatever I've only had sex with guys I've actually had a relationship with. Went on birth control the moment the occasion called for it and haven't had a large number of partners anyways. I've been very cautious and am currently happy with one partner.....helps eliminate the worry about all that sh*t at the very least.

[electron]

you know ... it's a common phenomena that if you cheat on someone and are feeling guilty about it , you'll get an " abnormal discharge " . It's never happened to me but i've known girls who go through this . I wouldn't be surprised if stress regarding her infection and sex life are causing the outbreaks .

I heard a while ago that the deodorant crystal will dry up the sores , but that's hearsay ... albeit from a reliable source . She might want to give it a shot , if nothing else , she's bought a killer natural deodorant anyhow so it's no big loss .

Our minds and bodies are really intertwined - often an illness has to do with mental state and perhaps your body deciding to allow itself to be infected so that it gets a rest , or a break , or whatever it's been trying to tell you for a long time .

Funny , i don't think of myself as promiscuous but i suppose i am . I've had nothing but respect with anybody i've been involved with and had clear communications for most of my " Active life "
But i suppose that if you take step back , then yeah , my lifestyle screams " swinger !!!!!!!" . I just don't tend to think of myself that way . When i was younger i had more clearly set definitions of the relationships i entered in ... that faded , and now it's all somewhere between " friends with benefits" or " seeing this person " , with sometimes a primary in the forground .
I think it takes time to get to that point . From 19- 23 i was practically celibate , with some random boyfriends and fuck buddies thrown in when necessary ... then i started to figure out what didn't work for me in traditional relationships and now it's a good part of my life . It's just that i don't feel the need for someone to be so close to me that we " belong " to one another . That takes a little more working around than you'd think .

[tinyD]

glad its not me, but massively sucks for her. i wish i had the midset you do electron, i get way too wrapped up in boys i'm with. i love it but i don't know how good it is for me to get so involved. oh well what can u do. ok i just had a brain fart and don't know what else to write

[electron]

meh , you know ,even now i find myself getting a little too wrapped up in my " boys " for my own good . I worry that they're gonna get hurt , or that i'm not giving them enough .

THen i drink some coffee and my brain kicks in and it's all okay

LOL

no , really , a lot of the guys who i get involved with aren't poly until they meet me , and i'm usually the first girl they can have an honest , open relationship with . They usually come up against the first bumps the first time they call me up to see what i'm doing and find out that i'm with another guy / girl that night . THen there is a little weirdness , then they get over it and realize that it's a two way street . THen the dialogues begin for real - what i think about the other girls they like , how it's working , i give them advice when it seems like they need it , they start getting used to the idea of meeting the other people i'm involved with . IT usually works out fantastic .

Jon is the first one who i've been with who is an active member of the poly community here in SF and it's amazing - we don't need to have 90 % of the discussions that i usually have with the other boys , he's totally good when he calls , but i'm busy , we can make all the rude jokes we want without worrying about hurting the other person . IT's amazing .

I want that with all my relationships eventually . IT'll get there i'm sure of it .


But yeah , i find myself worrying about the others , and hoping they aren't moping around if i'm not there ... only to find out that theyve had the time of their lives out cruising the chicks and dancing their asses off .. . then i feel really stupid . The universe doesn't revolve around me , hell , it barely knows i exist .

[tinyD]

i am all the more intrigued electron. how do u separate feelings between people? this confuses me. do u not feel closer to some than others? has there ever been a person who wasnt willing to accept your lifestyle? where does Itaj fit in here....you seem to spend alot of time with him? my mind is racing with questions......i hope u don't mind, if so don't hesitate to say. i've just never been exposed to this lifestyle, and its super cool. all the people i know call this sort of thing 'dating'...really just a bunch of fuck buddies....is that the same thing? but they do that until they find someone they want to have a relationship with exclusively. so interested

[Aura]

I was kind of curious to know the same things tinyD asked. Also, do you think of yourself as a person who someday would like to settle down and get married, own a house and have children?

I mean you strike as the the type of person who could be happy just traveling on your own adventures and being completely happy meeting new faces on the daily but is it something you think about?

Me... I would love to have those type of oppurtunities to make new friends and travel and be free, but I would eventually feel the need to come back to one home, one guy, one family.

~Just some thoughts~