[KCBlack]

Sup everyone. Havent been on bboy.org in a minute, especially the frs section. I posted a song of mines ages ago - What's Goin On. Been writin mad songs since then, recorded a few of em, and got my first (amateur) mixtape comin out soon. Also did a couple of performances in my town, one of em was in school so it didn't really count haha. Anyway, I did this song like beginning of last month or some shit, just puttin it up here for comments, suggestions, etc. Been workin alot on makin my voice sound less rushed and monotone. Lyrics/flow are really simple because I wanted this to be a more laid-back, kinda "i dont give a shit" kinda track.
Lyrics:

Deep in the suburbs, far, far away
Lives a boy with a whole lot to say
He tries to do this shit through his rap
But niggas say his rap is too crap
His raps just an act
He's just tryna front
Like he's actually black
But he's an African defunct
Straight B's and A's
Decent GPA
He doesn't even listen to T.I. or Lil Wayne
So naturally niggas tryna label him insane
It's like god painted him black, but painted him in vain
His street smarts are absent
Book smarts fill his brain
On the lyrical tip,
he is just straight lame

Token Black Kid

Why the hell you actin like you rap?

Token black Kid

Shouldn't you have a book in your lap?

Token Black Kid

You need to Stop Frontin' like you actually black

Token Black Kid

Your street game is lackin, you gotta pick up the slack



All that he raps about is stopping all the shooting
He stays preaching about the need of recruiting
A new generation of intelligent MCs
And complete eradication of the current like disease
He says they make him sick
Well he can suck a dick
Token Black Kid is a prick
And thinks that he's so slick
He says whats goin on in the world that we live in
But no one really cares, yo, I swear this kid is trippin
Lets hear bout tha violence
Or the money that you stackin
Until we hear this we all
declare your blackness lackin


Token Black Kid

Why the hell you actin like you rap?

Token black Kid

Shouldn't you have a book in your lap?

Token Black Kid

You need to Stop Frontin'

Token Black Kid

Token Black Kid

Uhh


The ridicule almost caused him to stop
The ridicule almost caused him to pop
Like a balloon or a bubble
Or fall down and crumble
Tumble down a mountainside and die
like he's rubble
But see, that's the trouble
Hate rules the world
More so than the sun makes it revolve and twirl
Givin into hate is givin in to evil
Givin in to hate is givin in to people
Who want all your talent
Because there just hacks who
Take two hours to think up two lines of rap
See token black kid was raw, thats a fact
And nothing on this planet would make him stop makin tracks

So token black kid

Refused to drop the mic, refused to ever cease

Token black kid

Rose from the hate like a ressurected beast

Token black kid

Swears hes gonna take all of hip-hop by storm

Token black kid

Conquered an inner-conflict with an identity torn

Above all of the scorn
Above shifty eyes
Who
monitor him like he is a white guy in disguise
But color don't matter
Neither does your attitude
If you can rhyme, rhyme it up
And let niggas be mad at you

Rest of my songs @ my myspace: http://www.myspace.com/kcblack609

[KCBlack]

Sorry to double post, but wanted to put another song of mine up and didn't wanna make 1 gigantic post. This song's called "Teenage Love Thing", used the beat from "Find A Way" by ATCQ. Longest song I've done so far:
Lyrics-

He's not quite in love, it is more infactuation
Never ever talked to her, no
single conversation
Freaks out when he sees her, like a dog he's
salivatin
But he won't dare approach her cuz his hearts too busy racin
He
tells a couple friends ayo I kinda got a crush
Actin like its elementary,
tells them to keep it hush
This dude ain't exactly on the top of social
standings
But this girls on the top, rich daddy and a mansion
They solemnly
agree , but then one day they see,
Her walking down the hall, and all at once
they stall,
They giggle in their group, and then they start to swoop
Up to
this girl and tell her all about the situtation
Needlessly to say she is
heavily appalled
Humiliation rumbling like all throughout the halls
He don't
know what to do, he told them to keep it quiet
Now he's doin all he can just
to keep himself from cryin but

But he can't seem to shake it
he can't seem
to break it
He can't seem to move it
He cannot approve it
This teenage love
thing has got him all in a fit
This teenage love thing is either hit or a
miss

But he can't seem to shake it
he can't seem to break it
He can't seem
to move it
He cannot approve it
This teenage love thing has got him all in a
fit
This teenage love thing is either hit or a miss


Fell in love like
that, swear hes gonna get her number
Failed to chase her down, now shes taken,
what a bummer
At first his heart was plowing through his chest like a
hummer
But now his heart his broken, he could not feel no dumber
Listens to
the music till his soul can get no number
Feels as cold as winter, even though
it is the summer
Friends say forget it man it's all in the past
And the dude
thats shes with - it will never last
But how can he forget it, their
affections on the blast
Makin out against the lockers right before his every
class
Heard from her friend that they did the dirty dirty
He asked where did
she hear that, she said a little birdy
He thought he had a chance, they were a
bit flirty, flirty
But too bad the chance his gone, he should've tried more
early
They dont match at all, like Nick Cannon and Mariah
But their
combination settin the hallways on fire
The mentions of their names alone just
makes the dude perspire
He's tryna just let it roll off of him like a
tire



But he can't seem to shake it
he can't seem to break it
He can't
seem to move it
He cannot approve it
This teenage love thing has got him all
in a fit
This teenage love thing is either hit or a miss

But he can't seem
to shake it
he can't seem to break it
He can't seem to move it
He cannot
approve it
This teenage love thing has got him all in a fit
This teenage love
thing is either hit or a miss

He says enoughs, enough, yo this chick has got
me buggin
This thing we got goin on, its got my mind a-strugglin
Like a dyin
train, its hard to maintain my mental tuggin
I cannot no more, so we should
end our lovin
Hope you know what I'm sayin
I know right now you see me on 4
legs and brayin
But the wire that connected us at first, it is a-frayin
And
the glue we tried to fix it with simply just isn't stayin
Metaphors aside, I
hope you do not cry
But for you baby I don't think I am the right
guy
Relationship was over at the drop of a dime
Her friends say thats its
fine, but its flowin from her eyes

'Cause she can't seem to shake it
She
can't seem to break it
She can't seem to move it
She cannot approve it
This
teenage love thing has got her all in a fit
This teenage love thing is either
hit or a miss

'Cause she can't seem to shake it
She can't seem to break
it
She can't seem to move it
She cannot approve it
This teenage love thing
has got her all in a fit
This teenage love thing is either hit or a miss

He
thought that she loved him, they'd be together forever
Was way into her bod,
and her mind cuz she was clever
Leavin notes for her on the facebook and the
space
Everytime he saw her, it would straight up make his day
But little did
he know that she felt a different way
Because for a differen't guy, her
feelings began to sway
Didnt even have the guts to tell him to his face
So
she told him in a text, filled up with some hate
Like I'm sorry that you
lame
Sorry you lack game
Sorry that you love me, baby, I don't feel the
same
The face of this other dude racin through his brain
And his head was in
a mist, straight up drivin him insane

But he can't seem to shake it
he
can't seem to break it
He can't seem to move it
He cannot approve it
This
teenage love thing has got him all in a fit
This teenage love thing is either
hit or a miss

But he can't seem to shake it
he can't seem to break it
He
can't seem to move it
He cannot approve it
This teenage love thing has got
him all in a fit
This teenage love thing is either hit or a miss

[Sutley]

You're on the right track. I hope I'm not offending you when I say this, since I don't know how long you've been doing this, but I think these are the best first steps someone could want.

Advice:
- Your voice needs to be more convincing (be more emotive)
- Careful of clashing your chorus with any inherent beat voice samples (chorus was messy in Teenage Love)
- Try to make your lyrics more sophisticated? That just might be my style talking, and isn't for everyone, but I do recommend it
- The second beat evokes more of a contemplative mood than, say, a humiliating high school experience - I'd switch the beat

[KCBlack]

No offense taken, suggestions always welcome. I haven't been doing this all that long, first real track I recorded was like in september-november, so I'm still learning. I'm always workin on making my voice more emotive, and I see what you're saing about the clashing chorus. The voice sample was apart of the original beat so I didnt try to take it out, but now that I'm listenin to it, it does sound pretty messy.

[Khaled]

you sounding aight
flow off at somepoints
sounding a bit too monotone at times
add some multis, inners, change up the flow
and you gon be dope
keep at it b
1

[RingerINC]

First track listening... Pretty cool track. I think having a slightly longer rhyme at the end of each line would help the chill nature... like even a 2 or 3 syllable type thing rather than just the 1 you're using. You need to work on your vocals a bit, as the volume fluctuates a fair bit which is normal for unprocessed vocals, but it's pretty easy to get a better quality out of it that'll sound more even. I don't mind the chorus, cool idea. Yeah i think the main problem with this track that makes it seem ameaturish is the rhymescheme being mostly single syllable, which actually worked against the vibe you were going for and the occasional rushing of a line or two to fit it in.

second track... Vocals need to be upped a bit more. Similar problem with the sound a little rushed at certain points. Need to get a bit more emotive with your voice. Also at the end i would have just had half the chorus and not bring the beat back in, but that's just me.

Good to hear some new audios though, keep it up dude.

[KCBlack]

Thanks for the comments guys, keep it comin. Also, what do you mean by "uncompressed" vocals? What's the difference between uncompressed and compressed and how do I "compress" vocals? Does that up the quality?

[RingerINC]

I use:
http://community.sixshot.com/read.asp?id=101685

with the eq settings from:
http://www.angelfire.com/creep/salvdorchosen/

to process my vocals, basically its just compressing the vocals so they're even, adding reverb to make them sound more natural and then equalising them.

[BboyPoundO]

I think the ending would have been Much doper if you would have had the beat come in while you were rapping, instead of when you finished.