[_-=FiRe=-_]

So here goes my first audio, i didn't write a hook yet (at least not a good one) so just bear with the silences between verses.

LYRICS:
l
You the highest up on that tree
The sweetest fruit of them all
The only one that I could not reach
Makes it only hurt more when I fall
I'm falling, but I keep on trying
To get up the ladder and to the top
Through the twilight, I'll be flying
Till I get there, I can't stop
A voice is telling me not to go on
My body is telling me to drop
But you're my drug, and you got me hooked
Like a nerd and a math textbook
The pain is incessant, it just won't end
I am broken, but I won't bend
I can't pretend for these wounds to mend
But I won't settle for being just friends.

Some say it's dark right before it's light
That it's all wrong before it's right
I think... this is a fucking lie
Yet still I hold my hands up high
Eventually this tunnel has got to end
I'll see the world without blinders again
A colt that is free at last
Galloping through the prairies of grass
A glimmer of hope appears
Can see it clear, like a seer
This is raw, no decoration
This is real, not illustration
So I'm going going, fighting on
Searching for that coming dawn
Like a dung beetle pushing a boulder
I'm Atlas, the whole world is on my shoulders.

So the sky is finally clearing
My bones are aching and weary
I'm finally with you girl
But damn it feels so empty. Now,
Where is the connection we used to share
How does it fare, do you even care?
Was it all just a facade?
Your affection but a visage?
I feel as if I got robbed
Do ya'll know where I'm coming from?
All the trouble that I've been through
Just so I could be with you
But my efforts were for naught
It was only fool's gold that I sought
The princess was also the tyrant
Who could have possibly thought?
And I was the one to get caught
I got tamed like a shrew
I guess there's a lesson to learn from this
Forbidden fruit is the sweetest food
Until it is finally attained
At which point it will sour
Bacteria permeates membrane
And my heart it devours
Am I insane?
I don't think so
I'm just another guy
And this is how my story goes
Yeah the forbidden fruit yo.

Beat from rapitfly

[RingerINC]

Dude kinda forgot the audio did we?

[Elbee]

That's what I wanted to say but wondered which thread to post in.. lol

EDIT: Heard it and haha, I was considering doing a beat to that but its too late.. haha.. Lyrics were decent for a first attempt and ya flowed consistently on the instrumental. Nice attempts at wordplay, I like the atlas one though. I suggest you keep pushing it because you have the right voice for it. Very good for a first audio. Keep it up.

[_-=FiRe=-_]

lol gimme a sec, the site was down yesterday so i guess the upload got fucked up

[Khaled]

Forbidden fruit is the sweetest food
Until it is finally attained
At which point it will sour
Bacteria permeates membrane
And my heart it devours

favorite part fam

this some real nice shit i see the message you giving out its deep, the delivery isn't so monotonish but it sounds like that guy off that handlebars song, your flow is on just fell off at some points. And did you memorize it cuz it does sound like you were reading it off a paper. Nice beat going there matches the message. Keep going this is a nice point to start from.
1

[RingerINC]

Nice work dude, delivery sounding a little robotic but you followed the beat which is good. Beginning of second verse actually sounded a little more comfortable, but that will come with time and practice. Keep at it. Some lines were pretty nice dude. boulder shoulder was pretty cool. Some of the wordplay was a bit... crude or something, but keep at it dude i wanna see moar from you.

[Diamond]

Sounding hella robotic at times but as ringer said, you flowed on beats o props on that. Really does sound like you're reading this as you spit it, there's a distinct lack of confidence in the delivery which probably comes from not being that comfortable spitting the lines. Quality isn't too bad, fairly clear, could benefit from better mixing to bring out some more clarity. Is it just me, or are you breathing in between the verses and on the intro? If so, you need to clean your tracks out and spit in takes, it'll give a more proffessional product if you speperate your verses and spit them seperately. Not a bad effort at all, i've heard far worse for a first audio, stick with it and stay up on the boards, I see a lot of potential.

[_-=FiRe=-_]

yeah i was reading the lyrics cause i sent my friend the lyrics at first, and he said he wanted to hear me rap them, so he handed me a mic and i just did a quick recording.

thanks everyone for the feedback so far, i got alot to work on lewl.

[bgirlnew]

Sounds like your reading the lyrics. remember them, and your voice is sounding alittle bit robotic and hurried. just feel the music and don't rush it. the lyrics are bomb tho and i like the instrumental. + there are programs you can use to edit your voice so it doesnt sound so choppy.

[Diamond]

Oh, and return the favour in my thread

[ashtura]

I like the lyric changes you did from the original, it flow a lot better.

[JRod]

i think for a first audio this was really good. some parts you fell off but it was a decent track and a good start